Harry in Weirdland
by Lucky Larue
Summary: Chapters 5 and alternate 5 are up. Harry finds himself in an 'alternate reality' where the familiar is unfamiliar. My first attempt at something semi 'dramatic' on here. WIP.
1. Harry in Weirdland Chapt 1

Harry in Weirdland

Rated: PG-13, mainly for language

Description: Harry finds himself in an "alternate reality" where the familiar is unfamiliar.

* * *

Harry heard the dull drone of Professor Binn's ghostly voice as Harry sat at his desk in history class. His head was bleary, his eyes burned. He hadn't slept much last night, or the night before, and he hadn't slept peacefully for quite some time. Nightmares, usually featuring Sirius. Harry couldn't make out what Binn's was saying. Before he knew it, the class had ended. Harry stood, robotically, and began walking out into the hall. He felt someone tap his shoulder. "Harry, are you alright?" asked Hermione, concerned. "Fine... " Harry mumbled. He rubbed his eyes. "You look ill, mate." said Ron. "Um... I'm going to the bathroom. Catch up with you in a bit." said Harry. He walked off, oblivious to Hermione and Ron's responses.

Harry found the boy's bathroom deserted. He walked to a sink, removed his glasses and began splashing cold water on his face. He looked in the mirror and found his skin ashen white and his eyes bloodshot. Harry wanted to sit down. He put back on his glasses and, since there were no chairs in the bathroom, he went into a stall and sat on a closed toilet. Harry leaned his head against the side of the stall. His eyelids were painfully heavy; he had to close them. He would just rest for a few minutes, only a few minutes...

Harry awoke with a start to the sound of someone pounding on the door of the stall he was in. He heard a familiar voice. It was Ron.

"OY! Get out of the stall, already, you wanker!" shouted Ron. Harry saw through the space under the door that there were other two other boys hanging around his stall. "Bloody hell, Ron! What crawled up your arse?" asked Harry. He stood up and opened the door.

Ron had a strange expression on his face. Something foriegn and distant, and somehow surprised. Next to him were Zacharias Smith and Colin Creevey, both wearing hostile expressions. Harry, baffled, was about to question Ron, when Ron spoke. "Calling me by my first name, now, Potter?" he asked. "What?" asked Harry, shaking his head in non-comprehension. Ron was obviously angry with him about something... very angry. And so were Smith and Colin.

"What makes you think a worthless, inept little half-blood like you has the right to speak to me like that? Hmm?" said Ron. If everything hadn't been so real, so clear and focused, Harry would have been sure he was dreaming. But this in no way looked or felt like a dream. This was like he'd been thrust into another reality. "Ron, what are you..." said Harry. Colin Creevey raised his wand, uttered a spell, and Harry found himself flung back into the stall, once again sitting on the toilet. "Colin, what the bloody hell are you doing!" said Harry, starting to get up. Colin's face held such an expression of dismissive contempt towards him that it struck Harry as even more bizzare than Ron's scorn. Harry realized then that these people couldn't really be Ron, Colin or Zacharias Smith. Polyjuice potion, or some sort of other trick was at work. Harry needed to get out of this bathroom. But Creevey sent him right flying back onto the toilet seat, Harry's head knocking against the wall behind hit. Ron laughed. Harry reached for his own wand, but Smith shouted "Expellariamus!" and it was stolen from him.

"Right, look! I don't know who you bloody are, but I know who you're not! Whatever you're playing at's not going to work out. Your little game is completely transparent, and whoever you scumbags are I assure you we'll all find out..." said Harry. Ron and Colin laughed, Smith frowned, looking confused. He looked at Ron. "What's he on about?" said Smith. "Who cares? Maybe his little toilet friends in there have been telling him stories. Right, Potsey, you like it so much in the toilet, I think you can keep that stall. It can be your home from now on. Your refuge from the world." said Ron. Ron raised his wand, and Harry found himself in a full body bind. With malicious glee, Ron raised his wand again...

15 minutes later, Harry heard the footsteps and simultaneous talking of several boys entering the bathroom. They stopped at once, some laughing. There was an "Oh, no!" by a familiar voice. The door of the stall opened. Harry was propped against a wall, still in a full body bind and wrapped in toilet paper like a mummy. The toilet seat was up, and water was spraying out of it like a fountain, some of it splashing onto Harry and by now having drenched his robes. On the wall behind him was a crude drawing of his face with the words "Home Sweet Home" next to it.

Draco Malfoy looked in at him, horror and sympathy apparent on his face. He turned towards the boys who were laughing. "Shut up, will you! Why don't you do what you came in here to do and stop gawking!" he yelled. Draco Malfoy was acting like his friend, Ron, Colin and Smith were attacking him. This was all some sort of prank. Some bizzare, alien, unbelievable prank played by everyone to make Harry think he'd gone mad. Maybe Voldemort was behind it. Maybe, for some reason, Dumbledore had thought it would be funny. All Harry knew was that whoever was responsible would pay.

Malfoy released Harry from his body bind and entered the stall. To avoid the stares of a few boys who were still watching, he closed the door behind him. Malfoy started to pull some of the toilet paper off of Harry. "Geez, Harry, those filthy bastards... it was Weasley and his goons, wasn't it? We'll get 'em back, Harry..." said Malfoy. Harry grabbed Malfoy and shoved him against the wall of the stall. "Harry! Merlin --" said Malfoy, his eyes wide. "Tell me what's going on, Malfoy! What the hell are you playing at! Tell me NOW!" yelled Harry. "Harry, calm down! What'd they do to you!" asked Malfoy. "Don't bloody play dumb with me, Malfoy, I'm not that gullible! This morning, and the last 5 years, we've hated eachother. Today we're chums? And my best friend is against me? Colin Creevey's throwing hexes my way? I'm not stupid!" said Harry. Malfoy gulped, looking unsettled. "Mate, I've never hated you. I think... maybe they hexed your brain, or something. Why don't you come on down to the infirmary and let Madam Pomfrey look you over, you're not making any sense." said Malfoy.

"Draco? What's going on?" it was another familiar voice outside the stall. Harry realized that several pairs of legs were surrounding the stall. People were listening in. A new pair of legs broke through. "Harry?" asked the voice. Neville. It was Neville. "Neville?" asked Harry, backing away from Malfoy. "Open the door, Harry." said Neville. Harry shot a suspicius, hatful glare at Malfoy, and then opened the door.

"What the hell is happening?" asked Neville. "That's what I'D like to know!" shouted Harry. "What happened to you?" asked Neville, slowly, with a glance towards Malfoy. "Why are you looking at him? Why are you calling him 'Draco'!" said Harry. "Well... Harry, that's his name..." said Neville, without sarcasm. And then Harry noticed the scar peeking out from underneath Neville's hair. Harry reached up a hand and pushed aside Neville's bangs. The lightening shape was clear. "No..." said Harry. "Oh, man, he's really lost it." he heard Malfoy's voice behind him. Neville was staring at Harry with a look that must have been almost as shocked and bewildered as Harry's own expression.

"That's MY scar. What the hell is happening!" shouted Harry. He ran to a mirror. His forehead was blank and smooth. Harry rubbed it. He spun around and looked at Neville again. "Harry, what are you talking about? What --" said Neville. "Dumbledore will know. Dumbledore will have to tell me what's going on." said Harry. He ran out of the bathroom, pushing through the crowd that had been watching the scene.

"Harry, wait a second!" shouted Neville behind him. Harry ran down the hallway as fast as he could. He had to get to Dumbledore. A sneaking, tiny fear in the back of his head asked him what he would do if Dumbledore was not himself either. Harry pushed it away. That was impossible.

On his way to the office, he came to a screeching halt as he spotted Hermione walking down the hall, an unfamiliar girl at her side. Hermione stopped when she saw him standing in front of her, panting. She stared at him, questioningly. "Hermione?" Harry asked. "Yes?" said Hermione.

"Harry! Wait up!" came Neville's voice behind him. He turned and saw Neville and Draco running towards him. "Do you, are you, I mean, how do you feel about me!" said Harry. Hermione blinked, looking startled. The girl next to her giggled. "Harry, I um, well... we don't really know eachother that well..." said Hermione. Harry let out a groan of frustration so loud that Hermione flinched. "Harry..." panted Neville, catching up behind him. Harry ran from them all, once again heading towards Dumbledore's office. Neville and Malfoy were at his heels. "Bugger off!" shouted Harry. To his surprise, they fell back. "Just let him go!" panted Malfoy. "But --" said Neville. Harry ran on, hearing no more.

He reached Dumbledore's office. Harry realized in frustration that he didn't know the password. Losing it more and more by the second, he began to scream "Dumbledore!" repeatedly at the entrance. "Wrong password." said the stone gargoyle.

Harry kicked the wall. He closed his eyes and remembered everything that had led up to this insanity. He'd been tired, very tired. He'd seperated from Ron and Hermione, the real Ron and Hermione, and headed into the bathroom. He'd gone to sleep, he knew it, but there was no way in hell this was a dream. Suddenly, the entrance to Dumbledore's office swung open. Harry swallowed and stepped back. He felt relief wash over him. This was it; he could go inside, talk to Dumbledore, and somehow everything would be sorted out. He just needed to talk to Dumbledore. Harry entered the office.

As Harry approached Dumbledore, who was sitting at his desk staring at him with a serious expression, a feeling of dread crept up from Harry's belly. There was something ominous here. Something unfamiliar and wrong. Each step Harry took closer to the Headmaster increased the feeling.

Harry opened his mouth, but Dumbledore spoke first. "Mr. Potter. It seems you were creating quite a scene outside of my office. You should also be in class right now. What is it that is so important that you feel free to behave in a disrespectful manner?" asked Dumbledore.

Harry started to speak, and to his surprise he choked on the words. Tears were welling up in his eyes. Harry fought them back and exclaimed, "Headmaster, something very, very wrong is happening! It started this morning when I went into the bathroom, I, I fell asleep and when I woke up the world had changed. This is NOT the same school I went to this morning. People who were my close friends are enemies and strangers, people who were my enemies are telling me I'm their friend, please, sir, I swear to God I'm not crazy and I'm not lying, just let me explain everything..." said Harry. Tears were falling down his face now. Harry grabbed a chair without thinking and sat down, prepared to explain everything in detail to whoever the hell this "Dumbledore" was, praying that the wizard before him was enough like the old Dumbledore that somehow things could be figured out, that something could be done.

"Mr. Potter, I don't believe I asked you to use my chair." said Dumbledore, coldly. "Headmaster, please. You've got to listen to me. Something's gone very --" said Harry. "Very wrong. Yes, I heard you the first time. Mr. Potter, I think you've said enough. Surely, if you consider it, you will realize how silly this rambling is. You are extremely confused and you've worked yourself into quite a state, but I assure you that this is the one and only Hogwarts, the one you've attended for five years, and all the people here are just the same as they've been every day of that time. Now I'm going to insist that you leave my office, go to the infirmary to be evaluated by Madam Pomfrey. Should she report that you are simply hysterical -- as I suspect -- and not mentally damaged, you will report for detention with Professor Flitwick each night for one month for your outrageous conduct. Winchet!" said Dumbledore. Suddenly, a hairy house elf appeared. "Winfret! See to it Mr. Potter gets to the infirmary. That will do." said Dumbledore, gesturing with a wave of his hand for Harry to leave his office. Harry closed his eyes and shook his head, frustrated and angry. "No, you're not listening to me!" he yelled. Dumbledore drew his wand and aimed it at Harry, startling Harry.

"Mr. Potter, I just ordered you to exit my office. Are you defying the Headmaster of this school?" asked Dumbledore. "No..." whispered Harry. He slowly stood up, still somehow clinging to the fantasy that this was all some elaborate, horrible joke. Harry walked towards the door. Just as he was about to leave, Harry turned back towards Dumbledore. "Headmaster Dumbledore, Voldemort IS still evil, isn't he?" asked Harry. Winchet shrieked. Dumbledore's eyes widened, and for a moment he seemed jolted. Then, he regained his cool, contemptous demeaner. "I think we'll make that detentions every night for 2 months." he said. "What for?" asked Harry, his heart racing. Was this psycho-Dumbledore in line with Voldemort? Had he taken offense? Dumbledore laughed coldly. It was a very strange sound. "Well, Mr. Potter, using the name of you-know-who is forbidden in this school now as it has been since we knew of you-know-who. As you and your friends well know. And we'll make that an extra two weeks of detentions of questioning your Headmaster's punishments." said Dumbledore.

"Right." Harry said, numbly. He could not bloody believe this. He opened the door, prepared to step out into the hall, but then turned once more. "Just one more thing, Headmaster... your other self is loads more bazzin' than you are." said Harry. Harry walked outside of Dumbledore's office, Winchet close by, and was surprised by the presence of Professor Flitwick, who apparently was about to enter Dumbledore's office. Flitwick sneered up at Harry, then looked at Winchester. A dark smile came to his face as he looked back at Harry. "In trouble, Potter? I see you've tried the Headmaster's patience as much as my own. I see being an incompetent imbecile isn't enough for you. You wish to be as much of a brash, pigheaded bafoon as your hero idol, Neville Longbottom. Well, perhaps you can get yourself expelled, and then your hero and his little group will no longer feel obliged to tolerate your presence out of pity." Flitwick commented. He coldly watched Harry, apparently waiting for a reaction. Harry was at first stunned, but then felt the bizzare compulsion to laugh at seeing kindly, meek little Flitwick acting like Professor Snape. Harry's face twitched. Apparently, Flitwick took this as a sign that Harry was about to cry, because he smiled cruelly. "I'd think that's what you'd want, for them not to be bothered by a useless, four-eyed hanger on such as yourself. Isn't selflessness what the Gryffindor spirit is all about? Really, if you were a true Gryffindor, you would not show your face in public again, knowing yourself to be nothing but a pointless irritation to all else whom you meet." said Flitwick. He pushed Winfret aside, and entered the office.

"Nice day to you too." said Harry, staring after him. After a moment, he felt Winfret tug his sleeve forcefully. He looked down. Winfret was frowning, sternly. "The infirmary." he said. "Uh, right. The infirmary." Harry started walking. "You know, I don't think the infirmary is such a bad idea. I think I need a nice, long, long nap." said Harry. He began to giggle manically, and eventually laughing hysterically. He couldn't stop untill he'd entered Pomfrey's office and the woman stood, a serious expression on her face.

To be continued!


	2. Harry in Weirdland Chapt 2

Harry finally quieted as Pomfrey walked towards him. "Potter, I hear you've been suffering from... mental distress. How are you feeling today?" asked Pomfrey. To Harry's relief, she didn't seem particularly unpleasant. He decided he would just tell her the whole story. As he lay down and she began to examine him, he poured out everything that had happened. He felt as if he were speaking from a distance, and began to get the giggles again. But by the end of the story, tears slid down his face. Pomfrey frowned at him and shook her head. "I think it's best if you stay here tonight, Potter. The only physical problem I can find with you is the bump on your head from your altercation earlier. If you aren't feeling more... yourself tomorrow, I'm afraid I'm going to have to transfer you to Saint Mungo's." said Pomfrey. "Saint Mungo's! You think I'm completely nutters. Why doesn't anyone believe me? It's a crazy world! Couldn't magic...isn't there any way that something like this could happen?" Harry asked. "I'm sorry, Potter, but I'm afraid not. Now, why don't you lay back and have a rest, and we'll see how you're doing in the morning." said Pomfrey. She smiled a small, unsure smile at him, and walked away.

Harry lay in his bed at the infirmary, staring at the ceiling. No one was going to help him. He would have to figure this out on his own. Harry was positive he wasn't crazy; he knew the world he'd lived in for the past 16 years, and this wasn't it. He just had to figure out what had happened, and then what he could do about it. He was leaning strongly towards his theory was that it was some sort of scheme by Voldemort. Maybe he was in some sort of "virtual reality" world that only seemed absolutely real. If that was true, then the people around him weren't real, they were some sort of complex artificial intelligence or something. But they seemed so human. They just didn't seem like the humans he knew.

Harry considered Pomfrey. She didn't seem much different from the Pomfrey he knew. Maybe a bit more mellow, but nothing drastic. Why was that?

After an hour or so of thinking, Harry closed his eyes and attempted to fall asleep, wishing that somehow this could all turn out to be a dream. Or that by some miracle, he would find himself rescued when he awoke. At the moment, he didn't have any better ideas than to slip into unconsciousness and hope for the best.

Harry awoke what seemed like minutes later to see Neville, Malfoy, and Pansy Parkinson hovering over his bed and whispering. "Oh, he's awake!" Pansy suddenly exclaimed. Harry squinted up at her. "Don't tell me, let me guess. You're one of my best friends, right?" asked Harry, reaching for his glasses. Pansy looked worried. "That's right, Harry, we're all your friends. Do you remember us? Oh, that Weasley, if he's caused you some kind of permenant mental damage I'll..." said Pansy, looking furious. Harry couldn't help but laugh a little bit as he saw this Slytherin girl, Draco Malfoy's girlfriend, becoming outraged on his behalf. She looked at him, startled, then looked at Malfoy. Malfoy sighed. "Well, are you, er, feeling any better, Harry?" he asked. Harry looked at him for a moment, feeling tired in mind and body. "Feeling fine, Malfoy." he said, flatly.

"Erm, hey, that's good." said Malfoy. He looked uncomfortable. "You should be uncomfortable", thought Harry, "you're checking in on your worst enemy, here". Harry looked at Neville. "So. I guess it's up to you to stop Voldemort, huh?" said Harry. Malfoy gasped. Pansy's eyes widened. Neville seemed briefly taken aback, then puzzled. He frowned slightly. "Yes, it kind of looks that way... Harry, I mean, did anything really strange happen to you lately?" he said. "Besides being mysteriously dropped into an alternate reality? Not a thing." said Harry. Pansy, standing quite close to Malfoy, looked distressed.

"Yes, yes, I'm crazy. And the crazy fellow needs to get some rest. They're transferring me to Saint Mungo's in the morning, you can all come and gape at me then, right? Please, I want some peace and quiet." said Harry. "Saint Mungo's?" asked Neville, a strange, dark look in his eyes. Neville's parents... "I don't know what they're going to do with me. Look, I appreciate you stopping by, but I really am tired. So I'll see you later." said Harry. He took his glasses off, rolled over, and shut his eyes. After a few moments, he heard his three "friends" walk off.

Harry thought about Neville, and what the new, evil Professor Flitwick had said. He hoped the Neville he knew never felt like they just tolerated him out of pity. If he ever saw him again, he'd try to make him feel more at home.

Harry hadn't realized he'd fallen back asleep untill he awoke that evening. It was dark outside. The dim lamps by the beds in the hospital wing were glowing. Harry reached for his glasses.

"Good to see you, Harry." said a semi-familiar voice from behind him. Harry started, looked over, and then started again. Snape was hovering near the bed, his hands behind his back, a small, bizarrely friendly smile on his face. He leaned forward and nodded.

Harry was staring at him, mouth open. Snape pulled a seat up by the bed and sat down, ignoring Harry's expression. "Harry, I've been told you have been a bit troubled. Care to tell me what's on your mind?" said Snape. Harry wasn't sure whether he wanted to burst out laughing or bash himself unconscious with the bedside lamp. He was going to have to get used to this kind of madness untill he could find his way back home. Harry tried to pull himself together, and looked at Snape.

"Well, Professor, how much have you heard?" asked Harry. "Neville told me you said something about an alternate reality. Madam Pomfrey said you were very disoriented and felt that everything you knew had changed. And according to Flitwick, the Headmaster is quite displeased with you for your distress over this matter." said Snape. The way he said "the Headmaster" made Harry think that this Snape did not think highly of this Dumbledore.

"Yes. Well, basically, Professor Snape, for the majority of my life, I've been known as The Boy Who Lived. That's because Voldemort, you-know-who, the Dark Lord, etc. tried to kill me as a baby, but..." said Harry. He didn't feel like talking about his mother to Snape, alternate universe or not. "Well, it didn't work! And I got a lightening scar on my forehead, and I came to Hogwarts at eleven, and since that time, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger have been my best friends, Draco Malfoy has been a slimey git, you've been a complete disgrace to the teaching profession, Albus Dumbledore has been a kind and caring soul, and life was what it was. Untill today, that is. See, I took a little nap in the bathroom, and when I woke up, I was in the Twilight Zone. Nevermind, you probably don't know what that is. Well, I woke up in some kind of warped dimension where no one is themselves. Ron hates me, Hermione doesn't know I exist, Draco Malfoy is my buddy, and the world, basically, has bloody ended as I know it! And no one believes it; they think I'm mad, and now they're going to send me to Saint Mungo's. So what do you think, alternate reality Snape?" said Harry.

"Well, I can certainly see why you'd be distressed." said Snape. "What?" said Harry. "If I were in that situation, I imagine I'd be frantic." said Snape. He seemed genuinely concerned. Harry's heart pounded. "You're saying you believe me? You don't think I'm crazy?" he asked. Snape smiled slightly, a thoughtful, compassionate look on his face. It looked far more like Lupin, or even Dumbledore, than anything he could have imagined coming from Snape. "I won't pretend to know what's going on, Harry. But I trust that whatever experience you're having, it is very real to you. And I don't think labeling anyone 'crazy' has ever done much good." said Snape. Harry felt very relieved. At least someone would listen, would take him seriously.

"What do you think I should do?" he asked Snape. Snape thought for several moments. "First of all, I think, for the time being, you should avoid speaking of the matter to Madam Pomfrey, or to anyone whom you don't fully trust. Er, I understand that in your current position, you may have difficulty trusting anyone here, but I think I can safely say that the Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom and Pansy Parkinson of this place in space and time are good, true friends who would not betray your trust. I'll have a talk with them, see if I can help them not to panic about your situation. Outside of them and myself, I think it's best if you don't speak of this to anyone else at the school. Try to go with the flow for now. Harry, I hate to encourage you to be decietful or anything..." said Snape. Harry let out a snort of laughter at Snape's new found decency. "Sorry. The Snape I know is just about your total opposite. I can't believe someone as nice as you even heads Slytherin house." said Harry. Snape now laughed. "Slytherin house? Is that what the other me heads? It must truly be another world. Here I'm in charge of Hufflepuff." said Snape. "HUFFLEPUFF!" cried Harry. He doubled over laughing. Madam Pomfrey walked over. Harry tried to get a hold on himself. "Visiting hours are nearly over, Professor Snape. Harry, are you quite alright?" asked Pomfrey. "I'm fine. I'm sorry. I... Snape told a great joke, that's what happened." said Harry. "One with the punchline 'Hufflepuff'?" asked Pomfrey. "Er...yheah." said Harry. "Just under nine minutes." said Pomfrey to Snape, and she walked away.

"Right, Harry, now if you continue to share your predicament with Madam Pomfrey or to the school at large, I fear you may indeed be placed in Saint Mungo's. I don't believe that would be in your best interests." said Snape. He looked carefully at Harry. "Alright...but... what do I do to get home? To put things right? I mean, what the hell is this place? I was thinking maybe Voldemort could be behind it, what if he did it all to make me think I was mad, or to take me away from my life so I couldn't defeat him?" said Harry. He also wondered, "What if you're not even real at all and this discussion is complete bullocks? Or you and the others are Voldemort's minions in disguise, playing some kind of game with me?", but he kept those thoughts to himself.

"I'll try in any way I can to help you figure out what's happening. I'm sure your Godfather will as well. Have you gotten the chance to contact him yet?" said Snape. Harry froze. "Harry?" said Snape. "My... Sirius? Sirius Black?" said Harry. "Yes. Are you alright?" said Snape. "Sirius is alive?" said Harry. Snape's eyes widened in realization. "Oh, Harry. Your... the other Sirius is..." said Snape. Harry leapt out of bed. "I have to see him. Now." said Harry. "Harry, please, you must calm down." said Snape, reaching out for Harry's shoulders. Harry stepped away, snarling. "I SAID I WANT TO SEE SIRIUS! NOW!" he hollared. Pomfrey came back into the room. Snape looked from Harry to her and back, helplessly.

"I WANT TO SEE MY GODFATHER! I'M NOT CRAZY!" screamed Harry.

The next thing Harry knew, he was waking up the next morning with restraints on his arms and legs. It took a moment for Harry to remember everything that had happened. He was in the Twilight Zone, but he didn't give a damn anymore. Sirius was alive. All Harry wanted was to see him. He twisted against his restraints, then shut his eyes and lay still. He had to be calm. Just for a little while. He had to convince them he wasn't insane. Just enough so that he could get to Sirius.

Harry tried to push away the emotions that the thought of seeing Sirius brought, and put on a facade of calmness. After a few minutes, he called for Madam Pomfrey in a voice he hoped sounded normal.

After a moment, Pomfrey walked. And to Harry's utter and complete amazement, by her side was Sirius.


	3. Harry in Weirdland Chapt 3

"Harry, are you alright? Snape owled me. What in the blazes is happening?" said Sirius. Harry burst into tears. "Sirius..." he choked. "I told you, Mr. Black. I'm terribly sorry, but he's become mentally unstable. He's going to need to be sent to Saint Mungo's for a temporary evaluation." said Pomfrey. "My arse! You're not sending him to the loony bin!" said Sirius. He approached Harry, who was still crying loudly. "Mr. Black, he may be a danger to himself or others. This is beyond my expertise. You can't simply take him home --" said Pomfrey. "The hell I can't. Whatever's wrong with him, I'll fix it myself." said Sirius. He looked down at Harry as Pomfrey sighed in exasperation and threw up her hands. "Mr. Black, you are not a healer! If I can't help him, I don't see how you --" said Pomfrey. "He doesn't need a healer, he needs rest and family and time away from this bloody school where that little Weasle bashes his head into stalls and gets away with murder! It's him who should be in restraints, not my Godson!" barked Sirius, angrily.

"You do not have the authority to remove him untill it's been decided that he is not a danger to himself or others." said Pomfrey, annoyed, and she left the room.

Sirius flipped her off without looking at her, then looked back at Harry. Concern took over Sirius' face. He put a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around Sirius. Sirius was alive! Sirius was alive! In flesh and blood! "I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!" Harry yelled, without thought. Sirius nodded. He was smiling, but had a worried expression on his face. He squoze Harry's shoulder and then Harry saw him take out his wand. "I'm getting you out of here. We're going home." whispered Sirius. He aimed his wand at the restraints, and one by one they snapped. Harry sat up and grabbed Sirius, hugging him fiercely. "Dear Lord, Harry, what's happened to you?" Sirius asked. After a few moments, Sirius pried Harry away. "Come on then, Harry, we've got to go before Pomfrey tries to drag you to Saint Mungo's." said Sirius. Feeling shaky and elated, Harry quickly headed with Sirius towards the exit. They were stopped by Pomfrey, her wand drawn and two assistants at her side who also had their wands out.

They halted, and then Sirius drew his own wand, growling. "Get your wand out, Harry!" he hissed. "Huh?" said Harry. Apparently, Sirius wanted to fight Pomfrey and her assistants. Somewhere in his mind Harry thought that wasn't such a great idea, but he reached for his wand anyway. "Oh... Malfoy, er, I mean Ron stole it." said Harry, ashamed. "Ron? You mean Weasle? Again? That little..." said Sirius.

"Mr. Black, you are behaving like a madman yourself. Perhaps you would do well with a visit to Saint Mungo's!" said Pomfrey. "Perhaps you would do well with... THIS!" said Black, and he hissed a curse just as Pomfrey cried, "Expellaramus!" and his wand flew into her hand. "Honestly, Black! This is absurd! We aren't talking about locking the boy up for life, but he is not well!" Pomfrey said. Black growled. He grabbed Harry's arm. "You aren't putting Harry in the loony bin. I've been there, that place is a corrupt, just like Dumbledore's school!" said Sirius. At that moment, Dumbledore stepped into the room. He glared coldly at Sirius, then at Harry. Harry was so swept up in seeing Sirius -- a familiar Sirius, THE Sirius -- that he was shocked all over again to see this bizarre, sinister Dumbledore.

"I wouldn't worry about my school not meeting your high standards, Mr. Black. You won't be setting foot in it again, and if you do not depart at this moment, you shall soon find yourself removed and facing criminal charges. Your Godson has disrupted this school and has been deemed by our healer to be of unsound mind. He will be taken to Saint Mungo's for evaluation. The matter is not up for debate. Not that you would know how." Dumbledore stated. "If my Godson's lost any of his sanity, it's due to the influence of this foul sham you call a school. How come Weasle and his goons never get in trouble for any of the little pranks they pull! Because the Headmaster is practically in league with Voldemort" said Sirius. Pomfrey and her assistants gasped. "--and he couldn't stand to see a member of the great pureblooded Weasleys taken to task. Some day, you foul old fool, it's you who will be tossed out of this school!" said Sirius.

"Are you quite finished with your tantrum, Mr. Black? Because it seems to me that you and your burden are still the only ones being removed from my school." said Dumbledore. Sirius literally bared his teeth at Dumbledore in a vicious snarl. "Pomfrey, take care of Mr. Potter. Winchet!" said Dumbledore. Harry saw Dumbledore's personal, hairy house elf, Winchet appear once again. "Show Mr. Black to the door." said Dumbledore. "You aren't locking up my Godson in the loony bin. En Gaurde!" said Sirius, aiming his wand at Dumbledore's head. Dumbledore sneered, a strange smile on his face. "For threatening me, I'll gladly have you imprisioned, Mr. Black." said Dumbledore.

"Sirius, stop! Please, just put your wand down. Everything'll be ok, I'll just go to Saint Mungo's for a couple of days --" said Harry.

"Shut up, Harry! Come on, Albus! I've been wanting a piece of you for years." said Sirius. "Very well." smiled Dumbledore. In a lightening quick move, Dumbledore had aimed his wand at Sirius and, without Dumbledore saying a word, Sirius was hanging upside down, his robes falling over his head. Harry looked quickly away as he saw that Sirius had no underpants on.

"Let him down, now! You haven't got any right to do that!" Harry growled, still looking at the floor.

Sirius was cursing and spewing threats at Dumbledore. Harry glanced back and saw Sirius' arms flailing around his head and his wand on the floor. Dumbledore flicked his wand and Sirius went mute. Harry shook his head, unable to believe what was happening. Dumbledore let out a cruel chuckle; a very strange sound to hear.

"Now, I shall have to evict you from the school myself. After that, the proper authorities can take over this matter." Dumbledore said. Dumbledore gave a little cruel smirk, his eyes cold, then began to float Sirius out the door. Harry's eyes bulged.

"Wh- What are you doing! You can't -- Stop it! YOU CAN'T DRAG HIM THROUGH THE WHOLE DAMN SCHOOL LIKE THAT!" shouted Harry. He started to run towards Dumbledore, but was held back by the burlier of Pomfrey's assistants.

"Potter, there's nothing we can do about the Headmaster's decisions. Please calm down, or I'll have to put you out again." sighed Pomfrey, wearily. But Harry wouldn't listen; he wasn't about to see Sirius humiliated in front of the entire school. This otherworldly Dumbledore had gone too far. He was not going to get away with this. But as Harry continued to jerk and shout, Pomfrey lifted her wand and in an instant the scene had come to an abrupt end.

The next thing Harry knew, he was stuck inside a small, pleasant looking room with his arms and legs once again strapped to a bed. He realized they must have gone ahead and put him in Saint Mungo's. Where was Sirius? Had he gotten himself into Sirius trouble over his outburst with the evil version of Dumbledore? Had Dumbledore really paraded him through the entire school with his robes around his head, bare arsed naked? Harry felt sizzling fury at this Dumbledore. Headmaster or not, he had no right to do that to Sirius, or to anyone.

Harry's thoughts of Sirius crowded out Dumbledore. He was ecstatic over being able to see a living Sirius again, but he still knew that this was a strange and foriegn place and that everything was uncertain. He tried to push down the small, miserable thought that this wasn't his Sirius, that his Sirius was lost forever and nothing could ever change that. Harry told himself that this was Sirius, period, and that this was a miraculous second chance to be with him. After all, Harry wasn't dealing with some bizarre, unknown personality like what Ron or Draco Malfoy had become. Ok, maybe Sirius was a little bit less balanced than before, but he was still the same man. But the longer Harry lay there by himself, the more wrong something felt inside. Just as he was wishing desperately for something outside his head to distract him, Neville, Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson walked into the room.

They were all smiling. Neville's smile seemed the most natural; Malfoy's was a bit tense and awkward, and Pansy's was a bit too bright and cheerful. They all greeted him and approached the bed.

"Hey, Harry. How you feeling?" asked Neville. Harry shrugged, not sure what to say. "Still a bit off." he said.

"Yheah, Snape talked to us about that..." said Neville. "He did? What did he say?" asked Harry. "The whole bit about falling in from an alternate reality, and not really being our Harry. That in your world, you were, er, The Boy Who Lived, and Dumbledore's a right good guy..." said Neville. "And you and I are mortal enemies." mentioned Malfoy, frowning slightly. "Yheah. I guess he pretty much explained it to you. Do you think I'm mental?" said Harry. Pansy shook her head immediately. "Of course we don't think that!" she said. "Urm...no...I reckon it's just a little hard to understand, that's all..." said Malfoy, trying to avoid eye contact. Neville shrugged. "It seems like stuff's always happening that confuses us all, but in the end there's an explaination. I want to help you figure this out." said Neville.

"And hey, we'll be your friends even if you are mental." Malfoy offered. Neville and Pansy shot him looks, but Harry smiled. Might as well go with the flow, as Snape said. "Erm, thanks, Draco." he said. Draco smiled, looking more at ease.

_To be continued._


	4. Harry in Weirdland Chapt 4

Harry looked up at the white ceiling of his room at Saint Mungo's.

"You think they'll let me out of these restraints soon?" asked Harry. "Well, er, Harry, they say they want to keep you under evaluation for a few days." said Neville.

Pansy looked around, then leaned closer to Harry. "Just tell them you've been feeling sick... try to convince them you're just sleep deprived and you've been under pressure at school... If you can keep your cool, they should let you out of here." she said. Draco nodded. "Yheah, it's probably best you don't tell them the real story. Snape says they could keep you here for much longer if you try to convince them of all that. Er, you don't want to stay here, right, Harry?" said Draco. Neville shot him an chastising look. Harry frowned. "Of bloody COURSE I don't want to stay here. Why would I possibly want to be stuck inside Saint Mungo's?" said Harry. "No reason. Why would you? You're right, of course..." he said, looking uncomfortable once again.

"Anyway," said Neville, "Snape says you're ok... I mean, he says you're going to be ok, that you're not crazy and we should help you figure out what's going on... Why don't you tell us everything in detail, in your own words?" Neville said.

Harry nodded. He thought for a moment about how to get started, then opened his mouth to begin explaining. But suddenly, a question occured to him. He looked at Neville. "Hey, did you hear... or see anything about my Godfather being at the school today?" Harry asked. He wanted to know if Dumbledore actually had floated poor Sirius through the school like that, though he felt fairly certain the answer would be yes. But more importantly, maybe they had also heard something about what had happened to Sirius afterwards.

Neville, Draco and Pansy's expressions became indignant and disgusted. "Even when you expect the absolute worst from Dumbledore, he always surprises you. This is a new low, even for him! If this school were run any worse we'd have you-know-who as Headmaster!" said Draco. "That might be an improvement." Pansy said.

"So, you heard about it then?" Harry asked, unhappily.

"It wasn't exactly done discreetly", said Neville, darkly. "If he didn't have the Ministry of Magic doting over him, he wouldn't get away with this shite."

Harry seethed, clenching his fists. He'd personally make this sham Dumbledore pay for this. "Where's Sirius?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Oh, Harry, they didn't tell you?" said Pansy, looking sickly. "Tell me what!" asked Harry. "He's been put in Azkaban." said Draco. "WHAT?" said Harry. "Temporarily! Temporarily, mate! Calm down, they're gonna keep you in here forever if you don't calm down..." said Draco. Harry began shouting. "DUMBLEDORE DRAGS HIM THROUGH THE SCHOOL UPSIDE DOWN AND NAKED AND THEY LOCK SIRIUS UP! HOW THE HELL..." Harry exploded.

A very round female healer with greying brown hair came in. "Hello, there, Harry. I think that's enough visitation for one day." she said. She approached Neville, Draco and Pansy. Harry fought back his emotions, shutting up. He was never going to get out of here if he ranted and raved, no matter if it was the only sane reaction or not. He had to pretend he felt fine, even though that would be true insanity. He tried to calm himself down and explain himself reasonably to the healer. "Please, don't make them leave yet... they were just telling me some bad news. I'm sorry, I'll keep it down." he said. She looked at him for a moment, frowning skeptically, but finally gave a nod and left the room.

Harry turned back towards Neville, Draco and Pansy. "I told you, mate, Dumbledore's got the Ministry in his pocket. From what I heard, I reckon Dumbledore told them Sirius had threatened his life and was tresspassing and the Ministry ruled in his favor...But he should be out in a few months!" said Neville. Harry moaned; he couldn't help it. Somehow he'd gotten Sirius locked up in Azkaban again. And when would he get a chance to see him again? What if he was back to his regular life by the time Sirius was out? How was he ever going to get back to his regular life? And how could he leave Sirius? He would just have to find a way to take Sirius with him...

"Harry? I'm sure he's going to be alright... you said he's been in there before and he's tough..." said Pansy. "He's been in there before?" said Harry. "Erm, yheah. You don't remember that, I suppose. You don't remember anything? I mean, everything's just totally different?" said Draco. "Yheah," Harry said, letting out a frustrated sigh, "The whole world's changed. Everybody's acting different, everything's gone topsy turvy...what I remember is this world, and everybody here, but it's all wrong, it's like somebody switched everything around. Everything's completely different..." said Harry. Harry realized something, and tried to bolt upright in bed. Since he was strapped down, he didn't get very far.

"Do you know anything of my parents? Do you know anything about James and Lily Potter?" said Harry, looking at Neville. Neville frowned for a minute, his mouth open slightly, then he looked heartbroken. He shook his head, sadly. "Harry, something happened to your parents." he said. He reached out and put a hand on Harry's upper arm. Harry's eyes welled with tears, though he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like it was a shock to learn they were dead. But Harry didn't have the scar. How had they died? "Was it Voldemort?" asked Harry. Neville nodded, slowly. "How did it happen? Why did I live?" said Harry. "Live? Harry... your parents aren't dead, but they were harmed by Voldemort. They were, they aren't... Harry, the healers at Saint Mungo's have done everything they can for them. They're here. They've been here for many years. They can't talk. They were tortured, Harry. Voldemort's Death Eaters were responsible and your parents haven't been... they can't relate to anything anymore." said Neville, looking pale and pained.

Harry knew that his parents had been tortured to insanity, just like the ordinary Neville's had been. The thought was even worse than them being dead. How could this become of them? It was too horrible a fate to be possible. They were better off dead than left like this. Harry couldn't stand the thought of seeing them in such a state, but he knew he had no choice. Harry turned his head and began to violently throw up on the hospital bed.

"Harry! Quick, get a healer!" said Neville. Draco, who was teary eyed, ran to the door of the room and called for help. Pansy let out a sob. The same healer who'd come in earlier re-entered.

The healer had gotten Harry's bed into an upright position, which apparently Harry could have done as well if he'd asked it. The healer soon saw Neville, Draco and Pansy out of the room.

Harry continued wretching after his stomach had gone dry, and had been given a potion to stop his heaves. The healer examined him and questioned him. Harry wasn't sure what to say to her, and it was hard to keep caring about appearing sane. He mumbled something about not feeling well. She gave him another potion, this one soothing, and she told his bed to ease back down.

The healer was hovering near the bed and looking at Harry. Harry felt a bit calmer after drinking the last potion, but he still felt utterly horrible. "Did your friends say something that upset you?" asked the healer. Harry shook his head no. "Will I be able to see my parents? They're staying at this hospital." Harry asked, his voice only coming out in a whisper. "I know, dear, you've been to visit them many times. You may see them again, but not tonight." said the healer. She tried to question him for a few more minutes about what was going on in his head, but Harry barely responded and she finally left.

Harry lay in his hospital bed looking out the small window on the wall. The thought of seeing his parents now filled him with dread, but at the same time he wished he could break through his restraints and rush into their room. Harry watched the sky grow to a dusky blue, and then fat drops of rain began hitting the window. He wished Sirius was here. He wished he was back with Ron and Hermione and a sane Dumbledore. He wished he knew what kind of sick game the universe was playing with him. Harry closed his eyes and tried not to think about the fact that his parents were sitting somewhere inside the building with him, lost to the world because they'd encountered Voldemort's evil.

_To be continued..._

Thanks to everybody who's reviewed this crazy story!


	5. Harry in Weirdland Chapt 5

Harry awoke the next morning, still restrained, still clueless about what was happening to him and still soulsick over his parents. It was a long day. Harry was told he couldn't see his parents untill tomorrow. He learned that his bed could produce a bedpan at his command, and that books and magazines would fly to him if he wished to read. His food rose to his mouth to feed him. Harry got a "Get Well" card from Ron in which he had gone over the details of Sirius' naked flight through the school and gloated over his belief that he, Ron, had put Harry in the mental ward. "It must kill you to be away from your bathroom friends back at Hogwarts. I'll say hello to the toilet for you", he'd added.

Harry had a visit from Snape in the evening. Harry wasn't feeling very talkative. He lay there mostly in silence while Snape talked. "I shouldn't have owled Sirius at all. I know that he can get... rather unpredictable. But I didn't expect him to storm into the castle like that, and then for Dumbledore to pull such a loathsome, abominable stunt... His tyrrany over the school is revolting." Snape said, growing angry as he spoke of Dumbledore. He told Harry that Sirius would be out of prison in a couple of months, which did not do much to reassure Harry.

"Did you know that my parents are here? That they're being kept here?" Harry asked. Snape paused, then nodded. "Yes. But you... you aren't familiar with seeing them in this condition?" said Snape. "No, of course I'm not. I'm not familiar with seeing them at all. They were, untill I got here, dead." said Harry, bitterly. "Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry..." said Snape. "This is even worse! They don't deserve this..." Harry said, his eyes welling with tears. He closed his eyes tightly. He couldn't bear to think of his parents, James and Lily Potter, stripped of all sanity, stuck in some little white room for the rest of their lives. When he went in and finally got to see his parents, they wouldn't see him. They wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't hear him, wouldn't open their arms to him. He would be lucky if his presence was acknowledged with a gumwrapper from his mum.

"Of course they don't deserve it. What was done to them is a testament to the evil of Voldemort, not to the value of your parents." Snape said. "Do you know exactly what happened? Why did he do it to them?" Harry miserably asked. "Harry, you're already so burdened right now, perhaps the details are best left for another time." said Snape. "Snape. Tell me the damn truth." said Harry, shooting him a dark glare. If Harry hadn't felt so absolutely wretched, he might have been amused by Snape's startled little expression.

Snape took a breath, then looked into Harry's eyes. "Harry, your father was... at first, he was not opposed to Voldemort's ideas. In fact, he became involved with his cause... your father was a Death Eater, Harry." said Snape.

"No, as a matter of fact, he wasn't! You were, before you turned into the Head of Hufflepuff! You're not real! This place isn't real! My parents are dead!" said Harry, raising his voice. "Harry, please! For the love of Merlin, if you don't learn to keep yourself together, you will never leave Saint Mungo's!" Snape whispered fervently. Harry clenched his fists and shut his eyes. He tried to detach himself from the insanity of this situation. "Your father left Voldemort while he was still in power. Voldemort doesn't take kindly to people abandoning his cause, and he sent his Death Eaters after James and after his family. You... or the you that lives here, was in the custody of Sirius Black at the time it happened. They were put into this condition because they stood up against Voldemort." said Snape.

After Snape left, Harry lay in bed unable to sleep for a few hours. He wondered if he'd been driven mad, like the people sleeping somewhere in this hospital who were supposed to be his parents. Maybe Death Eaters had come into the bathroom and sucked the sanity out of him.

The next day, Harry awoke and anxiously asked his assigned healer, whose name was Margosheth, when he could visit his parents. He needed to see them as much as he dreaded seeing them. Harry had to deal with being asked yet more questions on his thoughts and feelings, which he lied through as best he could. Then, she removed his restraints. It was still late afternoon before he was allowed to see his parents. It took every bit of willpower he had not to run down the hall and try to find them before he permitted to visit them.

With a rather burly, male assistant healer named Ruke Rake leading him, Harry walked down the hall of Saint Mungo's towards his parents' room. They were on the same level as him. "Just one crazy family" thought Harry. They approached the door. "Alright. Short visit today, Potter, then it's back to your room." said Ruke, opening the door. Harry was physically shaking as the door was pushed open to reveal the red haired image of his mother, sitting and staring vacantly into space. Harry gasped. It was like something out of a dream to see her there, living and breathing. All the way on the right of the room stood Harry's father, shuffling back and forth and looking at the floor.

Harry felt as if he were crumbling apart inside, like pieces of him were collapsing and falling over on eachother. "Mum?" he asked. Harry entered the room, and before he knew what he was doing he'd rushed to his mother and thrown his arms around her. Even though she didn't respond to him in any way, Harry was infinately grateful to be able to hold her. He cried on her shoulder for several minutes, then backed up to look into her face. Lily Potter's green eyes looked off towards the window. She had a peaceful expression on her face and her head rocked slightly from side to side. Harry stroked her cheek. He remembered how aware and animated she had been when Harry had seen her in Snape's – the usual, arsehole Snape's – pensieve. The way she'd passionately stood up against his father's and Sirius' brainless cruelty. Harry knew he'd never see that woman, her life had been stolen, but just feeling his mother's warm skin was a blessing he never thought he'd experience. He now felt ashamed that he'd thought his parents were better off dead.

Harry turned towards his father. He noticed Ruke hovering in the doorway, looking uncomfortable. Harry paid him no attention. He looked at his father in amazement. James Potter was just turning from the end of the room that he'd reached, and begining to walk back in the other direction. Harry walked up to his father.

"Dad?" he asked as he stepped in front of his father's path. Harry was surprised to see his father actually look at him for a moment in apparent surprise. Harry's heart leapt in excitement. "Dad?" Harry asked again. His father's head was cocked to one side, his brow furrowed as his eyes darted back and forth over Harry's face. Harry put a hand on his father's arm, but James's expression drifted back into oblivious apathy as he seemed to accept Harry's presence in the room. Harry embraced him tightly anyway, and his father responded only by shifting his weight back and forth from foot to foot.

When Harry pulled away, he miserably took in the pitiful and extremely weird sight of what was nearly his own face, lost, and blank. How much Harry wished James would just open his mouth and say something intelligible. But he'd never hear from James and Lily Potter. Harry decided Neville had some competition as saviour of the wizarding world. He'd better kill Voldemort fast, because if Harry stuck around he was liable to do it himself.

Harry decided he wanted to see the Dark Mark for himself. He pulled up his father's left sleeve and, just as he'd been told, there was the sight of a faint skull with a serpent running through its mouth. Feeling sick, Harry covered back up his father's arm.

Harry realized that the mark probably burned from time to time. He imagined his poor, witless father scratching and rubbing at his arm in confused pain. Or maybe he was incapable of even that, and he would just let out a low, helpless moan when Voldemort called to his servents. Harry couldn't imagine his father as a Death Eater. Harry couldn't imagine any of this. Even though everything looked, sounded, and felt perfectly real, it wasn't his reality. But Harry was standing in the same room with his father and mother, and that eclipsed everything else. Everything except Ruke, who let out a loud, deliberate cough. Harry tried to ignore him, but he began speaking.

"Sorry, Harry, but you've already been down here too long. Soon you'll be outta here and you can visit them normally again. Come on, mate, let's not cause a scene and get you strapped down again, right?" said Ruke. Harry looked longingly one last time at each of his parents, walked over to his mother and kissed her cheek, and then headed for the door where Ruke waited. They walked back down the hallway. Harry's head was spinning, and he was ready to lie down again.

_To be continued..._

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Thanks to all who leave reviews. And Cheelulaucha, I erased that "Draco had tears in his eyes" line about four times before I decided to leave it in. Maybe I should have left it out after all. ;p 


	6. Harry in Weirdland Alternate Chapt 5

Since I've only had one review for the last chapter, I thought I'd try again with an alternative chapter 5 that people might like better.

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Harry went to see his parents and he didn't like seeing them in such a state. It was horrible. But it wasn't that bad because people didn't want Harry to be a whiny baby. Then after Harry was done seeing his parents, he broke out of the hospital. Harry went back to Hogwarts. Harry killed the evil Dumbledore by sending a poisonous spider crawling up Dumbledore's beard. Then Harry built a Dumbledore robot that was good. 

Harry and the Dumbledore bot went to defeat Voldemort. Voldemort called Harry an "annoying punk brat" and bitch slapped him across the land. Harry landed face first in a mud puddle, then Voldemort fired a shot at the Dumbledore robot using a Muggle pistol and the robot crashed on harry just as Harry was standing up out of the mud puddle. Harry laned back in the mud puddle and he drowned because of the weight of the robot ontop of him.

Then Voldemort laughed; he won the war. The Muggles all died, one by one, and Voldemort ruled the world untill a giant black hole swallowed the earth.

The end.


End file.
